Sunday, May 16, 2010

Wishing I had something to say...

It's been a while since i've posted and that's because i have nothing to say! You know how when you write words down and send them out into the universe, or the world we call the internet, you want them to be witty and clever and the first thing that everyone you know wants to read... I don't have any of those words today! but i have some words, however less than profound they may be- i can guarantee that they will be almost completely and utterly incoherent!
Life is hard, but life is great right?! how can it be both at the same time? I don't know, but it's one of those things i've been thinking about. how can we be happy when so many things are crumbling down around us? how do we find the strength and the will power to get out of bed every morning, especially on the days we don't want to!? Why do we do half the things that we do?
I guess that lately i've fallen into a rut and i've been thinking a lot about why i do the things i do. i haven't been doing the things i want to do and i haven't been the person i want to be, at least not every day. I want to be someone who inspires others, and who makes a difference, but i haven't felt that lately! But i walk out in the sunshine, or hear an amazing song, or get a text or call from a friend i've been dying to talk to! or savor a delicious candy bar of perfectly mixed chocolate, caramel and peanuts all melted to the perfect state and it not only tastes good but makes all my worries melt away! Those are good things! Those make a good day!

but what about all the bad things? people not getting along, disappointment, grief, pain, loneliness, confusion and fear! what do we do with that? what do we do- we move forward! why do we do that, why don't we just let ourselves wallow in self-pity, why do we even try to pick ourselves back up and try again? i guess there's a million reasons why, but i know we do! we pick ourselves back up and we try again, and we try more and we try harder and we just try!
President Monson can say it better than me,
"Our responsibility is to rise from mediocrity to competence, from failure to achievement. Our task is to become our best selves. One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."
wishing i had something to say, probably more appropriate is...i wish i had something concrete to say! i don't know what i'm trying to say! i guess, life doesn't always make sense but even so it's good! i see people with problems all around me and i want to fix them but we can't always fix them. We want to find just the right words to make everything okay but we can't, we want to say and do the right thing but there's isn't such a thing. we want to be ourselves but always be better! we change our minds from day to day, week to week- we change, we grow, we progress and we always live in a state of contentment and anxiousness for the next stage. We live today and plan for tomorrow! and we think about yesterday!
we write a blog post and hope by the end of it we've said something profound, and if we haven't, we hope people don't think we're crazy and have lost our marbles! because sometimes the only thing we can do is write and let what comes, come

and we wake up tomorrow and try to make sense of it all...and hopefully we figure out more than we did today!


Samantha said...

Mmmm... I like it. It makes sense to me and I totally agree. I've been having a block as well. I have all of these thoughts and feelings swirling around in my mind but I don't know how to explain them. Life is good and bad and we are happy. Love it and love you!

The Tibbitts said...

I love it! I wonder about the same things but you put it into words a lot better than I could have. President Monson is right, one of the best gifts is the ability to try again-that is what the Atonement is right? I am so grateful that each day is a new day to be better and try harder. Thanks for the post Jes! You always inspire me to be better!